on this stage of my life, where i was so stagnant, i felt like yesterday was my most fulfilling day.. i finally got my NP DRIVER'S LICENCE.. to some, it's just so ordinary , but u don't know how this means a lot to me.
when i was still in grade 6 my tito ferdie started to teach me driving. way back then, i have dreamed to become the best driver in the world with the most expensive car.. WOW! so kiddy dream.. but my driving skills doesn't end up the way i want it to be.. for 8-9years of having the knowledge on how to operate the engine and 2-3 years of having just a Student Permit on my hand, Mama doesn't trust my abilities. So, rarely do i have the opportunity to step on the accelerator..
while we were having our vacay at saudi, Papa would allow me to drive his Toyota Land Cruiser but my mom always have to disagree because she thinks i might end up to an accident. Being a mother, i understand her. But when my little brother (though he's a big boy now) already know how to drive she would allow him to bring out the car, alone.
When i have complained about it, she gave me a condition...
"You can use the car anytime you want but someone should drive for you."
SO UNFAIR.. I already know how to drive, why do i still need a driver?
This is always our problem. This is always MY problem.
I want to become independent. I don't want my life to be entrusted to somebody's hands always.
I want to prove that i can do things for myself. Sometimes my Mama scolds me for being so dependent to others, even my friends observes it.My boyfriend totally knows this, that's why he spoils me. And i hate it.
Often times, I blame my mom for this. I grew up with a yaya plus my three aunts who would always lend me everything I need. I have a yaya until I was in college. After our last maid, thtt was when i was in 2nd year college, my mama didn't hire anymore, kasi daw malalaki na kami. It is a big adjustment for us. My brother and I made a schedule in doing the dishes. It is the only chore that we know. All the rest are for my mom. But she too is not comfortable. She can't do everything, of course, so she would then again scold me for being so lazy, the fact that I am already a lady now.
She would always tell me "Dalaga ka pa naman, ni hindi mo alam maglinis."
"You never trained me." on my mind. but of course i won't tell her, it would surely cause an argument. Well, thank God I grew up in a public school, at least i have practiced on how to sweep, clean, mop, etc. And thanks to GSP for making me more responsible.
Even during my examinations (big exams, not to include school quizes), I always want my Mama to be with me. Knowing that she's outside the examination room, waiting for me decreases my anxiety.
When i took the NLE last July 2010, she was there. It was even her birthday the day before the exams, but
instead of celebrating, she was on her way to La Union to support me. The latest was, when I took the NMAT last December. I convinced her to come with me to Baguio. My little brother was taking his college admission test during that day at Baguio also but he didn't want mama to be with him on his exams. They both laugh at me for i was just like a kindergarten with my mama with me. Again, it is because I am used to having the exams with her. During my elementary and high school years, every time I join, Journalism, Spelling bee or Math and Science quiz bee she is always present. She is my lucky charm.
But, yesterday was different. I had my driver's written and actual exams without my Mama around. I just went to the LTO with my boyfriend but he too just let me do all things. He and a friend, just waited for me at the canteen, until the releasing of the licence. I got high grades on the written exam and all good comments during the actual driving. It felt so gooood. So good to hold the licence knowing I get it on my own efforts, no suhol/lagay, no singit, no help from others, no back ups... it's just me and my own ability. It's just me, finally driving my own life!! :)
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